Harry Potter and the Mutant Rabbit OF DOOM!
by Elliot Green
Summary: Harry is out of school and living as an exterminator. He gets a call from Hogwarts about a thing that is massacring students. A one-shot. No really bad language... No violence... No good. Kidding. It's OK. R&R! Hope you like!


**Harry Potter and the Mutant Rabbit**

**OF DOOM!!!!!**

**A/N: Welcome to my newest one-shot! Harry is in his out of Hogwarts, Sirius is alive and well and teaching defense. Snape is still teaching Potions, and there's this weird thing that has been going around massacring students. So they call in Harry as an exterminator. Also, Voldemort is dead. Dumbledore is still Headmaster and all the other staffing positions are the same. Also, you can use phones in Hogwarts. Oh, and Sirius has been cleared of all charges.**

OOO

"Potter's Magical Exterminations at your service, how may I help?" Came the voice of the lovely receptionist over the phone.

"Yes… We have some sort of problem. Something is massacring students!"

"Oh dear! Massacring you say?"

"Yes. We need an exterminator!" The frantic cry was, well, frantic.

"Very good. Can you tell me your location? We'll send someone over right away."

"Hogwarts."

And so it began.

OOO

Harry sighed and walked over to his receptionist.

"Hello, Robin. What's up?"

Robin looked up and smiled at Harry.

"Hello Mr. Potter. Apparently something is massacring students at Hogwarts and they need you to do something about it!"

Harry shook his head sadly. "That is truly horrible! I'll go over right away."

He sighed and ruffled his hair. "Do you know who made the call?"

"Yes… He said his name was the Almighty Bat."

"The Almighty Bat?"

"Yes."

"O…K… could it perhaps be Severus Snape?"

"Oh, yeah. Might be. That greasy git. Anyway, Bat said that you could head over around ten-ish."

"OK. See you later, Robin."

"Bye Mr. Potter."

And so it continued.

OOO

Harry was standing outside his van, hauling out equipment. Every so often a wizard would come to stare at him, thinking he was a muggle, but he would just point to the side and they would nod in understanding and go away. His company was quite well known.

Harry had just finished stacking the equipment when Snape appeared at the gates.

"Potter."

"Hey, Almighty Bat."

Snape glared at him.

"Don't call me that."

"Don't tease my secretary."

They glared at each other.

"Next time you wish to use my services, you will do it properly."

"I didn't call. Black did."

Harry burst into a huge smile. "Excellent! I had hoped to see Sirius again."

Snape glared at him and opened the gates, then looked pointedly at his equipment.

"Are you quite finished yet?"

Harry looked down at his stuff, then grabbed a clipboard and a pen, and began checking stuff off the list.

"Yes." He said when they had finished. "I'm done."

"Good." Snape glared at him and Harry pulled out his wand. A glimmer of something flashed across Snape's face, but it was quickly hidden.

Harry started levitating stuff, until everything was levitating in the air all at the same time. Then he turned and started walking towards the castle, stuff floating behind him.

And so it keeps on continuing.

OOO

When they got to the Entrance Hall, Harry stopped to look around.

"Hm… I see a clear problem."

"What?" Snape asked, annoyed.

"Well, this place is huge. It will take quite a while to find whatever is massacring the students."

"Oh come on… Aren't there all sorts of detection spells?" Snape said, almost pleadingly. He really didn't want Potter back in the castle any longer then needed.

"They wouldn't work here. All the magic in the air. Also, since whatever this creature is, it's really fast. That will make work much more difficult. I can track it the other way, but that will take quite some time."

"Fine. Whatever."

Snape told Harry how to get to Dumbledore's office and the password, and stalked away.

After Harry got to Dumbledore's office, he said the password and went up the staircase, his equipment trailing after him.

"Ah, Harry. How good that you're here." Dumbledore said, opening the door. He quickly filled Harry in on everything that had been going on. Apparently three students had been lightly injured, and twelve severely. All would live, however. He really should talk to Sirius about the word 'massacre'.

The meeting was long and boring, and in the end Harry ended up with a teaching job to teach tracking spells to seventh years after he found the thing attacking students, and he got to eat a the staff table until then, and he had told Dumbledore about the fact that when he was tracking, he might disrupt classes as he would have to follow the trail into a classroom, if the need should arise. Dumbledore said this would be all right, and that they would do anything to ensure the safety of the students.

And so it starts to get interesting…

OOO

The next morning was Wednesday, so the Great Hall was packed. Unfortunately, Harry had picked up the signal of a creature, not an owl, there so he was holding a strange device that had a weird grid on it, and kept beeping. He was holding it up to walls and was mystifying the students.

"Excuse me, who are you?" One polite student was brave enough to ask.

"I'm Harry Potter, of Potter's Magical Extermination. I'm here to find what's attacking kids." Harry said, not really paying any attention to the student.

"What, really?! That is so cool!"

Uh oh…

Harry shook the thought away and pulled out a device from his pocket. It looked like a walkie-talkie, and when he pushed the button let out a high-pitched wail that made everyone jump. He waved it around and the wail would be louder or quieter.

Suddenly, his other item let out a low, loud beep.

"Crap!" He looked frantically around the Great Hall. "Everyone down, now!" He shouted, scaring some of the younger students, who immediately flew to the ground. Lots of other students followed suit, but one Slytherin stayed up and said, "Why? I'm not going down." Although, he never managed to finish saying 'down', and suddenly a large bat-like thing swoop down from the rafters, picked him up and flew up again. Or tried to. Harry took the thing with a well placed curse, and ran over to catch the student. He placed the student on the ground and caught the bat-thing as it fell. (He did this all very fast.) He took out some sort of light-thing and started examining the creature.

Finally he threw the thing to the ground in frustration.

"Damn!" He shouted, angrily. Then he caught the students looking at him.

"This isn't the thing that's been attacking you guys. This is just… A slave. A slave creature. It has no mind for itself and does what its master tells it to do. In this case, capture a student. Most likely for a snack."

This brought down instant fear and lots of it. All day, students weren't paying attention for fear that a slave-thing would come down and take them to be eaten. It didn't help that Harry walked into almost every class, following the trail. He had this weird rod that beeped regularly, and when Harry waved over the creature's path, it would beep extra.

Once, he waved it over a young girl's head, and when it started to beep extra she burst into hysterics and had to be taken to the hospital wing.

Needless to say, Dumbledore called Harry to his office gain for a meeting.

"Harry…" Dumbledore started to say when Harry was seated, but Harry cut him off.

"I have good news! I slave-thing had a trace of the student-harming creature on it, and so we can trace it back to the source. This has been tiring work, in and out of classrooms all day, but I have located the area of the slave-things' hide-out. I fear they may be more of them, and we can neutralize them."

Dumbledore looked pleased. "Excellent! Well, I hope you are as successful tomorrow."

The rest of the meeting was really, really boring.

And so the plot begins to thicken…

OOO

The next day had Harry down in the dungeons, tracking the slave-things.

He suddenly burst into the potion's classroom and called, "Don't open that cupboard!" to the student who was about to open a cupboard.

"Potter!" Snape yelled. "What is the meaning of this?"

Harry raised his wand and cast a spell on the cupboard. There was blue light coming from the cupboard, but then it suddenly stopped.

Harry made his was to the cupboard, ignoring the students. He opened it gingerly, and a bunch of dead creatures fell out.

Harry looked at them for a moment, ignoring the screams and said in a low voice that managed to freeze everyone, "I better take these to Hagrid."

And with that he was out of the classroom again, leaving the screams behind him.

OOO

The next week past uneventfully. Harry was often seen in the corridors muttering numbers under his breath and holding the rod out, but it wasn't until eight days after the incident in the potion's classroom did Harry have any success.

He gathered all the teachers and slowly made his way to the beast's lair. He had a stun gun, pepper spray, his wand, bug spray, everything except bug spray, and a can of insta-freeze. He was also holding a tranquilizer gun that had enough juice in it to take down an elephant on steroids. He was ready.

He walked into the lair, and stopped in his tracks. In front of him was the most terrifying creature ever.

It was a little, white bunny.

"Aaaagh!" He screamed, staring at the bunny in horror.

"Oh my god… Is there nothing we can do?" Cried out Sirius.

"Never fear! The Almighty Bat will save the day!" Snape called out before he could stop himself. They all turned to look at him and he blushed, but walked towards the bunny.

He picked it up, to much horror, and looked it in the face. Then it hit him that something was not quite right about this bunny…

The next thing that hit him was the fact that cute little bunnies weren't supposed to have fangs.

The third thing that hit him was the bunny, and the fourth was a tranquilizer dart.

Thankfully, a dart had gone in the bunny too.

Harry captured the bunny, gave it to a zoo, became a professor and lived happily ever after.

No-one ever mentioned the Bat Almighty again for fear of death from Severus Snape.

Robin became head of the extermination company and re-named it 'Hobb's Muggle Exterminating' and became a huge hit.

And life went on.

OOO

**A/N: Well, did you like? It wasn't as good as I hoped, but it's not bad. It's a cute little read that is short. Hope you liked!!! R&R**

**Alla**


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